When I need encouragement here are things I try to remember…

1. Remember: God is sovereign over every situation in my life~
2. Remember: God is my constant not my circumstances~
3. Remember: I am approved/accepted by Him because of Jesus so that I don’t need ‘mans’ approval~
4. Remember: God is for me…who cares who is against me~
5. Remember: God’s Word is always true~
6. Remember: God is faithful and true to His glory…and that is always for my good~
7. Remember: God is the one who changes people…not me. Thank you Jesus~
8. Remember: It’s not about me…it’s about Him~
9. Remember: Faithfulness is the true measure of success~
10 Remember: What I know in part…one day I will fully know….Come Lord Jesus~

Forgive and Forget?

I’ve been thinking a lot about the phrase ‘forgive and forget’. I recently conducted a super scientific survey on Facebook to see what others thought about this common phrase. The outcome was surprising. Most people saw a difference between ‘forgiving and forgetting’. So, where do phrases like this come from? And how do they make their way into Christian belief? In theory, ‘forgive and forget’ sounds great, even spiritual but…is it?

I’ve been preaching through 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, and we’ve come to Paul’s teaching that love, ‘keeps no record of wrongs’. I’ve been thinking about this statement for the past week or so and how or if it relates to ‘forgiving and forgetting’. There is no doubt that the idea of forgiving is in this passage. Love forgives. In fact, the way we love one another (through/by forgiving) demonstrates the love and forgiveness of God. But, I’m not sure the phrase ‘keeps no record’ means we ever forget…

As many in my super scientific survey observed, even God doesn’t forget. When Scripture talks about God forgetting or not remembering, it refers more to God’s conscious choice to NOT hold our sins against us. He isn’t forgetting. He is choosing to NOT count/reckon/calculate our sins against us so that you and I can have relationship with Him. If God did forget something or anything then he isn’t all-knowing. Furthermore, if you and I can still have recollection of that something or anything and God doesn’t…then that would mean we know more than God, which can’t be the case. So, what does all this mean?

There’s a song by Matchbox20 that says, ‘I’ve been cheated, I’ve been wronged’. Great song. That’s true for everyone who has taken a breath. If you’re alive, you’ve been cheated, you’ve been wronged and to be honest we’ve all cheated and wronged someone else. There have been times where I’ve been cheated and wronged even by those close to me, even by those who I trusted, and I’ll never forget that. Because in some ways, it’s these things that have made me WHO I AM today. But I do have to forgive. I have to let go of the anger, the hurt, and the bitterness. If I don’t, it doesn’t hurt the person who wronged me…it hurts me. It hurts my relationship with God, it hurts my relationships with others. I may not forget what has been done but by the grace of God, I can forgive what has been done. I can let go and by doing so, I stop allowing that hurt, pain, bitterness or person to have power over me. I think that’s what Paul is talking about…not forgetting what has been done but forgiving the person and by doing so…demonstrate the Love and Forgiveness of God. After all, it’s ‘Agape’ love we’re talking about.

What do you need to let go of? Who do you need to forgive? Who do you need to ASK forgiveness from? My prayer is that we understand what it means to ‘keep no record of wrongs’. That we can let go of the hurt, the pain, the brokenness, the bitterness and become who God created us to be: bearers of His image, by loving and forgiving just as He loves and forgives.

~Check out Part 2 of Relationships 101!~

6. Don’t take advantage of your spouse…A good way to gauge this is, is there one partner who always seems to be compromising? Compromising is good but not at the expense of your spouse’s wants and needs. Your spouse may have a servant’s heart but don’t take that for granted. You’re a team, work together, not against each other!

7. Speak words of affirmation into your spouse’s life…Everybody loves to hear, ‘Well done thy good and faithful servant’. Tell your wife/husband that they’re good at (fill in the blank). Thank them for working hard. Thank them for doing the dishes. Tell them you love their sense of humor, etc. Don’t be stingy with positive reinforcement.

8. Don’t be afraid to challenge one another to do/be better…This is important. The foundation of this is TRUST. If we truly know and trust our spouse than we can believe they have our best interests at heart. If there is no trust, there’s no growth. Have you ever been around stagnant water? It stinks! Literally. And it’s boring! It’s never progressing and always motionless. This is what happens to a relationship if there’s no challenge. For us, every 6 months or so, my wife and I sit down (usually not planned) and ask what can we do better? How can we be a better husband/wife? Sometimes, what we find out stings a little bit but it has ALWAYS led to progress in our marriage. There has to be trust for this to work.

9. Always be patient and gentle…This is definitely easier said than done. I think the opposite of patience and gentleness is actually selfishness. We may feel entitled to be impatient and harsh because we feel like we deserve it or we’re owed it. Pure selfishness. Give your spouse time to change, to grow. The truth is, you can’t change your spouse, only God can.

10. Learn to fight fairly…Let’s be honest, there will be times when you argue and fight with the love of your life. But when you do, don’t bring up the past (it doesn’t matter). Don’t use words like you always or never. Words are daggers. Your spouse may forgive you for harsh words but it’s always hard to forget. Once the fight is over…let it be over. Forgive and move on. Remember act like adults, they’re people watching. Teach your friends, family, children that couples can fight fairly and reconcile. This is the Gospel in everyday life! Reconciliation with God and with others. Finally, it’s ok to agree to disagree. Couples that agree on everything (are probably not healthy!) but most of all they’re annoying to everyone else!

Remember your marriage is the best ministry tool God has given you. So, spend time working on it! My prayer is that when people see the way you treat others, especially your spouse, they see Jesus. Its hard work but it’s worth it!

~Relationship 101~Part 1

I’ve been married to an amazing woman for almost 6 years now. I’m not saying I’ve got it all figured out but here is what I do know…

1. Encourage your spouse to spend time with Jesus daily because our relationship with Jesus fuels all other relationships…But, let’s be honest; you can’t expect your spouse to spend time with Jesus if you’re not. Growing in your relationship with Christ will only help all your other relationships grow.

2. Pray together…I would suggest making time to pray with one another daily. It doesn’t have to be a 2 hour prayer session but take 5-10 mins of your day and connect spiritually. You have 10 mins to spare for this, I promise!

3. Speak truth in love…Always be honest with your significant other but do it in love. Sometimes we can just be plain mean. We can say things to just try and hurt the other one. Don’t do this. Think about not only WHAT you say but the WAY you say it. Think before you speak!

4. Communicate with your spouse about things that ACTUALLY matter…I find that the more my wife and I take the time to talk about things that actually matter the more I love her. We waste so much time on things that are not ETERNAL. Talk about things that matter!

5. Don’t compare your spouse to others…This is a huge one. Never start off a sentence with ‘I wish you were more like…’if you do this it instantly puts the other person on the defense. Accept one another for who they are, who God created them to be. Don’t expect your spouse to instantly change into an extravert or an authoritative figure if that’s not their personality.

Check back tomorrow for Part 2!

~A Reflection on 1 Cor. 13~

Well, today is the day…Valentine’s day, a day, full of chocolate and roses, a day full of love. As I woke up this morning and checked the morning news, (of course what I mean by news is the News Feed on Facebook) I saw at least 10 references to 1 Cor. 13. Apparently, this passage has been deemed the official Valentine’s passage. And actually, I don’t have a problem with it, even though Paul is not necessarily talking about relationships with our significant others. The Biblical Purist in me wants to scream BUT there is no doubt that this passage can be applied to our relationships. As a result, I truly believe that 1 Cor. 13 can help us have better relationships with our spouses, our significant other, children, family and friends that are healthy and growing!

Today, I want to focus on the context of 1 Cor. 13 and by doing so, I think it will bring a deeper meaning to our relationships. Most people don’t know this but Paul (who wrote 1 Cor.) probably wrote at least 2 other letters to the Church of Corinth, including 1 Cor. In fact, there has been evidence that he might have written a total of 4 letters to this church. If this is the case, Paul probably interacted with the Church of Corinth significantly more than any other church in the New Testament. The question is…why? What was going on in this church that required Paul to write so many letters? If you read through 1 & 2 Cor. you can see clearly that this church was in turmoil. Let me give you a quick summary of the reasons why this church was in conflict. First, they doubted Paul’s authority as an Apostle. They thought the Christian experience was supposed to be easy so when Paul suffered (which he did all the time) they saw him as weak and not spiritually authoritative. Second, this church was full of both Jews and Gentiles. Jews, who were whole-heartedly monotheistic (Belief in One God) and Gentiles who were largely polytheistic (Belief in many gods) so you can see where there might be some disagreements. The Jews were learning to NOT be Legalistic and the Gentiles were learning sound Christian Belief and Practice. Finally, the Church of Corinth was living among one of the most immoral, evil, and sinful cultures of that time. In fact, it was essentially the 1st century Sodom and Gomorrah of the Old Testament. It made current day Vegas look like the Vatican! The result being, this church was allowing the culture of Corinth to inform and lead the church…instead of Jesus Christ! Kind of sounds familiar, huh?

This is the context 1 Cor. 13 was written to, a church in constant turmoil. A Body of Believers, struggling to relate to one another, a church on the verge of destruction. A church, that didn’t have real community and fellowship with one another. They were allowing their cultural/social/economical/spiritual differences to fuel their attitudes, motives and desires instead of the bond of faith, hope and love that they experienced in JESUS! So does 1 Cor. 13 have something to say to us about our relationship? Absolutely! In the midst of impatience…be Patient. In the midst of differing opinions…be Kind instead of rude or prideful. In the midst of wrongdoing…speak Truth in Love. In the midst of hardship…Endure. In the midst of doubt…Believe. In the midst of hopelessness…Hope. Because, love never fails, it never quits, it never gives up.

My hope is that as you celebrate Valentine’s Day…you would understand that 1 Cor. 13 was written to a church in complete chaos and dysfunction…and yet Love won out! You may feel like your relationships are in a similar state (chaos, dysfunction) yet Love can win out! We know from Church History that the Church of Corinth was not perfect (they were far from it!) and neither are our relationships but the Church stuck it out and persevered, just like our relationships can. There is one main reason why this church made it and why your relationship can make it—LOVE!

~James 5:13-18~

C.S. Lewis has a quote that says, ‘I pray because I can’t help myself. I pray because I’m helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn’t change God- it changes me.’ Prayer doesn’t change God, it changes us. It molds and refines us. It makes us look more and more like Jesus. Prayer is the fuel that helps our Faith work and grow. I know this to be true in my own life. As I look back on my Christian journey, I see very clearly that the times I have experienced true growth and satisfaction in my relationship with God—I was committed to prayer. Not just the casual prayer before going to bed but real authentic prayer—real conversation with God throughout the day.

In James 5:13-18, he wraps up his letter by pleading with the Church to pray for and about everything. James lists several reasons for us to pray BUT his main point is that we should pray about any and everything. So, whether we’re suffering, confessing sin, rejoicing or sick, we should pray. This passage also shows us that prayer isn’t just for your private life (although it is for that too!) but it’s also something that we should be doing in community with one another. In other words, James sees prayer at the center of what it means to be in community with God and with one another. In fact, prayer isn’t just something we do in community—it creates community!

So the point is this, we need to gather together to pray about any and everything. The result of this is authentic community with God and with one another. Prayer works our Faith. It changes us and makes us look more and more like Jesus. As Grace Church moves forward, my hope is that we do so, on our knees in prayer. Would you join me in committing to pray for your family, your church, and your city? Start off trying to pray 5 minutes a day and let’s see what God does with us.

~James 3:13-18~

This week we are continuing our study on the Book of James: Life in the Kingdom. In James 3, he continues his pep-talk on Faith in Action by talking about Taming the Tongue (3:1-12). By pep-talk, I mean punching us in the face. Now for us, we might want to separate our Actions and our Words. But for James, he doesn’t hold to this type of dualism. In other words, what you do (Your Actions) and what you say (Your Words)—are essentially who you are. We weren’t created to say one thing and do another. So, when James talks about Taming your Tongue, he’s still talking about Faith in Action.

Today, I want to focus on James 3:13-18. In this passage, James brings up the theme of Wisdom (something we all want and need!!). Again, we may think James is making a transition to another topic but in context he’s talking about having Wisdom in your speech. As my mom would say, ‘you watch your mouth when you talk’en to me!!’ We all need wisdom when it comes to our words. As we read this passage, we see right off the bat that there are two kinds of wisdom. Worldly and Wordly (godly). Yup, that’s right, I made that word up. The Worldly wisdom is described as bitter, jealous, and selfish. The result of this wisdom is what…disorder and vile practice. So, sin. On the other hand, Wordly wisdom is described as humble, pure, peaceable, gentle, reasonable, mercy, good fruit, and impartial (non-judgmental). The result of this wisdom, is a harvest of righteousness and peace!! James seems to be saying that by our speech we can see which Wisdom we’re living under…Worldly or Wordly.

So the question is this…do your words build people up or tear them down? Does your speech build? Or does it destroy? If your words build people up, you’re speaking with Wordly wisdom. If they tear people down, you’re speaking with Worldly wisdom. Imagine this. Imagine, if I spoke to my spouse, my kids, my co-workers, my neighbors with Wordly words—with godly wisdom instead of Worldly wisdom. There would be a drastic change in my relationship with God but also my relationships with others. That’s the kind of speech the draws people to the Gospel. So my encouragement is this…if you’re a Believer the God of Creation dwell’s within you, and he empowers and enables you to speak words of grace and mercy, and truth in love. My challenge is, before you speak think about will these words build people up or will they destroy. In other words, as my mom says, ‘we need to watch our mouths!!’